August 5, 2008: It's a Raccoon! A Raccoon!
Wonder was hard to come by in my tiny Florida town as a little kid, so I read a lot of weird books about missing people, UFOs, Bigfoot, ghosts, and other weird phenomena.
I read these very credulously, too; I mean, I was the only kid in my neighborhood actively looking for gnomes under trees. I also thought I caught a Nessie-like creature in a local pond but it turned out to be a huge snapping turtle.
When the Montauk Monster washed up in New York recently, looking all bloated and pale and toothy like a feral Oompa Loompa, I got excited: here comes the weird animal invasion I'd always dreamed of!
But, alas, it turns out to be just a raccoon.
Sigh.
The good news it that I now have a nickname if I ever become a pro wrestler: the Montauk Monster.
