July 24, 2008: Ye Can't Get Theah From Heah
Between Delta Airlines and the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, I have lost all desire to ever travel again.
First, Massachusetts--where beautiful history and ugly modernity collide. I'm not sure how you elected M.C. Escher as the head of your department of transportation, but the tangle of one-lane, one-way, unlabeled roads he's built for you just aren't working. Decide if you're a modern place or a historic one and stick with that, will you?
Also, I've never been cut off, snarled at, scowled over, and flipped off so often as when in Massachusetts, both on foot and in the car. You make New Yorkers look like Care Bears. If you truly hate people who come visit the historic ruins you infest, just let us know that up front and we'll leave you alone.
"New England" pretty much died when the last shovel of dirt landed on Lovecraft's coffin. Innsmouth conquered all.
Second, Delta. I called you on Wednesday night to move my flight to an earlier time--the one I originally paid for that you changed. For a mere three hundred dollars, you gave me the earlier flight again. Then you bumped me back to the later one again after delays, essentially stealing my three hundred dollars. Fortunately, it only took forty-five minutes on hold and some slow explaining to get that money back.
I hate traveling. Have I said that enough? I hate it. My rules of travel are simple:
- You go to one place and one place only.
- You go wherever people are NOT.
I broke both rules this week, though there were some highlights of the trip, usually enjoyed after my heart rate slowed again:
- The Lizzie Borden House was very interesting, more so because we were the only ones on the tour after a surly lady and her family got kicked out.
- Lovecraft's grave is always inspiring. Perhaps I too will have crumpled business cards and cheap pens left on my final resting place. One note to H.P.L. misspelled Cthulhu.
- Sleepy Hollow Cemetery was wonderful, even in the rain--maybe especially in the rain.
- Salem was a mixed bag to be sure, but the Burying Point was nice and the witch memorial very poignant and tasteful. 50% of the Salem Witch Museum was cool, the part with the life-size dioramas and dramatic narrator. The second half, with the politically-correct exhibit that says "ooh, we don't mean you cool, trendy Wiccans," was not.
I'll have pictures to post soon!
Comments
I enjoyed reading about your travels, but I've got to ask: How surly does someone have to be to get kicked out of Lizzy Borden's house? And how does the staff handle that issue? "I'm sorry ma'am, but we will not have any bad behavior disrupting the peaceful ambience of this... ax murderer's house!"
Posted by: Mart | July 25, 2008 9:11 PM
After visiting the Borden house, I certainly understand why Lizzie offed her parents. I mean, who wouldn't go nuts with that awful wall paper? I also remember having to walk through two other bedrooms to get to a third, or some such crazy shit.
Posted by: Matthew Warner | July 25, 2008 10:57 PM
When the tour was about to start, the lady in charge asked those who hadn't paid yet to do so, and the matron of the family snapped out that she was getting to it in a snotty voice. The tour manager said, "You've been fresh all morning. You're welcome to leave."
I'm not sure what happened earlier.
As for the rooms connecting, Matt, that was indeed the case: the house has no hallways. You just had to close off certain rooms to get privacy. It was all but built to be a kill house. Or a hippie commune. Or maybe those are the same thing.
Posted by: Will | July 26, 2008 10:23 AM